Feel Like You’re Losing Friends? Find Out Why & If It Could Be A Good Thing

Losing friends isn’t necessarily bad. It could be a sign of growth.

Have you suddenly felt a lack of presence in life? Maybe the people you used to hang out with just aren’t around anymore, or casual friends have become non-existent.

Friends come and go in different ways, but if it’s hit you hard, it may be time to start paying attention to why you’re feeling a little lonelier than usual. Let’s look into why we lose friends, why it can be a good thing, how to live happily with little to no friends and how you can make new friends too.

Think about why you’re losing friends

“I’ve lost all my friends” you may think to yourself. While that’s probably not true for all of your friends, you may be feeling a significant loss. Or, maybe it is true and all of the people you thought were friends have dispersed due to a situation you’re involved in.

Regardless, it’s good to look into why you’ve lost friends recently.

You’re too busy and not nurturing your friendships

We get that life can be busy, and if you have some hard goals to reach then you may make yourself sparse trying to achieve them.

But by neglecting your friendships, you shouldn’t be surprised if they go ghost. Making time for your friends, even when you’re drowning in work, is still key to ensuring your friendships last.

You’re not great at communicating digitally

Are you really short in texts? Or do you vent far too much online? We’re sorry to say but those harsh opinion posts of yours may be making your friends see a side of you that’s quite…toxic.

You don’t own up to your mistakes

Admitting we’re wrong can bruise the ego, but apologising for what you’ve done is imperative to showing you’re owning up to your mistakes. Or maybe you thought you apologised but it hasn’t been made clear

If you stay too proud, you’re going to lose friends.

You’re too clingy

Are you quite demanding? Do you expect your friends to be there at the drop of a hat? While we agree friends should always support each other, there is such a thing as too much.

Maybe you don’t give your friends space to breathe a bit and want to be around them every second of every day. This can cause friends to retreat.

You don’t support your friends

On the flip side to the last point, maybe you haven’t supported your friends whatsoever, yet expect to have support. This can cause grudges and really hurt people.

Friends will always remember who was there for them and who wasn’t. And if you fall into the latter category, then don’t be surprised if you’re cut off.

When losing friends can be good

When we lost friends, besides the pain, we feel a weight off our shoulders. This is a feeling we should tap into when we lose friends. Here are other reasons why losing friends can be a good thing for us.

Fewer friends mean more quality relationships

Having fewer friends means you can focus on cultivating better relationships with others. Having too many friends means you won’t be able to treat every friend with the same level of care and time, it’s simply too much for one person to do!

You’ll let yourself go from the past

Have you had friends that remind you of moments in life you’re not fond of? Maybe parting ways was the best thing that could’ve happened. You may feel relief from not having to revert to ways you were like, say, back in your school days.

You’ll feel less toxic

Toxic company can affect how we behave. It may be that these friends you’ve lost were toxic to begin with and now you can focus on cultivating more positivity in your life.

You’ll gain new friends that align with you

You can use this time to meet new people who align with you and your interests. They can teach us new things about friendships and ourselves too.

How to deal with losing friends

If you’ve lost friends, fear not. There are tons of ways to heal from this painful experience.

Sit with the feeling

You’re allowed to wallow a bit. You need to process everything you’re feeling so you can focus on the next thing. Ignoring your feelings will simply put you back in a bad mindset tenfold.

Write down how you’re feeling

Sometimes we need to get these feelings out when they’re overwhelming us. Try writing them down in a journal in the form of free-writing, where you simply write without any punctuation. It’s a fantastic way to clear your head.

Reach out to loved ones

Get input from those you love around you. They could be your family or existing friends. They can offer you different perspectives and support you during this difficult time. You could even ask them for some constructive criticism on how you’ve been with others so you can improve your relationships.

Know you’ll be okay with time

We hate to be cliche here but time really does heal all wounds. We recommend being as kind to yourself as possible and ensuring you’re healthy, getting rest and focusing on the future. Because you’ll look back at this experience and realise it needed to happen in order for you to grow.

Be grateful for what’s in your life already

Use this time to express gratitude for those who have supported you. Be grateful for the friends you have and the memories you did share with the friends you lost. Though things may be tough, it’s an important time to take stock of the good going on in your life too.

How many friends do you really need?

According to this Psychology Today article, there are three kinds of friends:

• Friends of utility
  • Also known as ‘friends of convenience’. They’re generally people we rely on to get through our day-to-day
• Friends of pleasure
  • These are friends we seek to have a good time with. You may go for coffee or drinks together and you keep each other in good spirits
• Friends of the good
  • These are “friends for life” kinds of friends. You both have tons of admiration and respect for one another. You probably share a lot of the same interests too

So how many friends do you need? It’s an undetermined number, but apparently, as humans, we can sustain anywhere from 100-150 friendships. That’s not to say we need that many. After all, you need to think about how you’re going to maintain all of these friendships too.

But back to Psychology Today’s article, we only need around three to five close friends to have satisfying social interaction.

How to be happy without lots of friends

If you’re someone who simply likes to keep their friendship circle close or you’re dealing with friendship losses at the moment, here are some ways to be happy and fulfilled with lots of friends in your life.

Focus on your own passions

By focusing on what you love to do, you can cultivate your skills and get better at them. Perhaps you’re trying to reach New Year’s Resolution goals or even manifest the year of your dreams.

Whatever your goals and passions are, use the spare time you have to make them a priority.

Try not to compare yourself

Comparison is normal. When you catch yourself doing it, try to divert the attention back onto yourself. We get this can be especially difficult if you walk about a group of friends having a good time, but by being alone at the moment, you can learn more about yourself and what kinds of friends you want (if you want any).

If the going gets tough, especially during the colder months, pop our recommended winter feel good songs on while you’re out and about.

Go on dates by yourself

Have a weekly date with yourself. It’ll help you feel connected to your needs and make you feel good too.

Here’s a few self-date ideas to get you started:

• Get the train to somewhere new and explore the area

• Got to your favourite coffee shop

• Try something new like an art or gym class

• Buy a new outfit

• Make travel plans

Find new hobbies and interests

Picking up a new hobby is a great way to use all this time you have. If you’re stuck on ideas, we have a ton of hobbies based on your zodiac to choose from.

Volunteer to give back to others

As humans, we still need a bit of social interaction. By volunteering you can fulfil this need by giving back to the community. Acts of kindness feel good and do good!

How to make new friends

If you feel ready to make some new friends but you’re not sure where to start, here are some tips on making new friends IRL or online.

Connect with acquaintances

A great place to start is by connecting with people you already know. Have you always been curious about one of your acquaintances and want to get to know them? Maybe you share a hobby or particular interest. Ask if they’d like to do that together or go for a coffee to begin with.

Get out there

You do have to be social to make friends, that’s sort of how it works. But if the thought of going up to people scares you then there are other ways to make new friends.

Join clubs, societies and other social events that are about your hobbies and interests. This way you already have things to talk about with the people you meet there.

If you’re moving to university for the first time, here are some ways to break the ice with your uni flatmates.

If that’s not for you then making friends online friends via social media, forums and hobby-based sites is a great way to fulfill your need for interaction. Plus, apps like Discord are fantastic because you can connect to a ton of different servers and by default, lots of people too!

Take the first steps into new friendships

Once you’re around some people, don’t be afraid to ask some open-ended questions to spark up a conversation and get to know them. You don’t have to be the center of attention, just simply see who you gravitate towards while acknowledging others around you.

Support them

If you weren’t so great at supporting people in the past, now is your time to redeem yourself. Don’t go out of your way to burn yourself out, but offer to listen, be there and do favours for them (within reason) to ensure they feel cared for.

Stay in touch with them

Make it a point to reach out to your friends at least once a week. Even if you can’t meet them, offer to make a call or send them ideas for future meetups. They’ll appreciate it and feel like you’re making the effort.

We hope these tips have helped you feel more settled when you feel like you’ve lost friends, but also armed you with the knowledge to accept these losses, be comfortable with being alone and potentially make new friends too.