Are You Introverted? Here’s How To Make Friends As An Introvert

Being introverted doesn’t mean you can’t have meaningful friendships or make new friends.

If you consider yourself an introvert, you’re probably comfortable with doing things on your own, staying in rather than going out and choosing to stay away from being the centre of attention. However, being an introvert doesn’t mean you can’t form new friendships and that you can’t enjoy spending time with other people, although it can be hard if you prefer to shy away from big social events.

If you’re struggling to make friends as an introvert or just need some new people in your life, making friends doesn’t have to be super challenging and you can definitely find people who you connect with and enjoy spending time with, without pushing yourself too far out of your comfort zone.

What is an introvert?

An introvert is a personality type where someone tends to be more quiet, reserved and prefers not to be the centre of attention. An introvert is the opposite of an extrovert, someone who is very outgoing, loud, thrives off attention and loves busy social events.

While introverts do tend to prefer their own company and may often be seen as quiet or shy it doesn’t mean they can’t enjoy being around other people or attending parties, but often when they do they feel the need to “recharge” their batteries afterwards and take time for themselves to recover after a big event as it can drain their energy.

Introverts also tend to keep their circles small, they normally have a couple of close friends rather than a huge group of friends and often won’t befriend every single person they meet unlike extroverts who tend to have lots of friends and big social circles.

How to know if you’re introverted

There are many signs that you might be an introvert that you can identify based off of your personality and interests. For example, introverts tend to be more comfortable working alone rather than in a group so your idea of group coursework at uni would be your worst nightmare. Also if you’re self-aware, reflective, find that you need quiet to concentrate, daydream often and find that you don’t mind doing basic every day tasks alone then you’re probably an introvert.

For example an extrovert might have no problem with participating in seminars when the room is silent and someone is asked to speak and might feel uncomfortable going grocery shopping alone and would prefer to go with a friend, whereas an introvert would feel less comfortable speaking in front of a huge group and find completing tasks such as a weekly shop alone much easier and more comfortable for them than going with a friend.

If you feel like you relate then you’re probably an introvert, but sometimes it can be a bit complicated.

What’s an introverted extrovert?

While introverts and extroverts are two opposite personality types there can be a lot of crossover between them and you might find that you display qualities from both sides. If you feel like you relate to both introvert and extrovert personality traits then there’s a good chance you’re what’s known as an introverted extrovert, someone who falls in the middle of the spectrum and can demonstrate both introvert and extrovert personalities.

Introverted extroverts can display different personality traits depending on the circumstances. Sometimes you might enjoy going to parties and making conversation with loads of people, but it can also drain you too. You’re probably more outgoing than someone who is fully introverted and don’t mind spending time in the company of others but after a certain point you need your alone time. You might find that you don’t mind talking in a group seminar or doing group work but you hate the idea of picking up a phone call, or you enjoy shopping with friends but also love going for a coffee alone.

You may often need convincing to do a certain social activity like go on a night out or a big social event, but when you’re there you’ll probably have a good time and step out of your shell a bit but you’ll feel like you need to recharge and spend time for yourself the next few days.

How to make friends if you’re an introvert

1. Make sure your social batteries are recharged

Forcing yourself to attend plans if you’re not feeling it can lead to burn out and wanting to cancel plans last minute. While extroverts might have no trouble staying busy and having a plan for every evening of the week, don’t overdo it when agreeing to meet up with people or go out.

Before agreeing to go anywhere, make sure that you’ve had enough you time and you’re not feeling overwhelmed or burnt out from spending time with others. Once you’re feeling comfortable enough to go out, it will be much easier and less daunting to introduce yourself to new people while you’re out and strike up conversation.

2. Embrace your interests

The easiest way to make friends as an introvert is to find people with mutual interests, so you have common ground to talk about and someone to enjoy these activities with. Your university will probably have a society for whatever you’re interested in, or they might have some unusual ones that you’d like to join to know more about to help you find new friends.

Joining a society is a great way to meet new people and you’ll know that you already have things in common meaning that starting a conversation shouldn’t be too difficult. You can look outside of your uni too, by joining clubs or classes in your local area for things you enjoy or want to try such as a book club, a new fitness class or horse riding.

3. Be yourself

First of all, the key to meaningful friendships is being yourself. While extroverts might make friends easily, a lot of their friends might not be close friends rather so just people who they can happily talk to if they see them out and about. When trying to make new friends don’t try and mimic their personality just to get them to like you. Be true to yourself and focus on forming friendships with people who have shared interests, rather than pretending to enjoy things you don’t.

4. Step away from the internet

Most introverts might find it easier to make friends online rather than in real life or prefer to communicate with people digitally rather than face-to-face. While there’s nothing wrong with this, in order to make new friends it’s best to step away from that and focus on what’s in front of you. If you are talking to friends online, why not suggest meeting up one-on-one in a local coffee shop to spend time together away from the screen?

5. Be patient

As an introvert, socialising can seem really hard and can be super draining. Trying to make new friends isn’t always easy and isn’t something than can happen in a day. Forming lifelong friendships can take time, while initial conversations and meetings can be hard pushing through it can be the most rewarding thing. The initial awkwardness of introducing yourself to new people will eventually wear off and you’ll feel like you’ve accomplished something by making the steps to make new friends.

Can introverts and extroverts be friends?

Yes, of course they can! While it might seem like you have totally opposite personality types, there’s no reason why introverts and extroverts can’t be friends especially as there’s a lot of overlap with introverted extroverts. If you do have friends in your life who are extremely extroverted, the chances are they won’t always understand things from your perspective (likewise, you might not understand how they enjoy being so sociable either) but as long as you’re communicating with each other there’s no reason why you can’t be friends.

For example, a good extroverted friend would probably want you to come out with them to big social events but would understand why you wouldn’t want to come and instead wouldn’t mind spending time together on-one-on just the two of you. Likewise, you might feel comfortable hanging out in a group, but only if your extroverted friend is sticking with you all night and keeping by your side to stop you from feeling uncomfortable or overwhelmed.

In fact, sometimes having an extroverted friend can really work to your benefit as they might feel more comfortable doing things you hate, such as taking phone calls or taking the lead in group projects or happily being the centre of attention, allowing you to take the backseat.

For more advice check out these affirmations for when you’re feeling lonely.