Do Long Distance Relationships Work? 68% of Students Think So

If you’re going to university and want your relationship to go the distance, read up.

Going to uni is fun and exciting, it’s a fresh start and an opportunity to meet new people. However, moving away from home can also mean moving away from your boyfriend or girlfriend which can be a lot to deal with.

If you and your significant other are both going to be apart, then you’ll want to find out whether long-distance relationships can really work for you. You may be especially worried if this is your first year away from home and you’re wondering exactly how to navigate freshers week in a long-distance relationship. Well, we’re here to help.

Although it’s tough, long-distance relationships can definitely work if both parties are willing to make it work, so here’s everything you need to know about long-distance relationships in uni, from what kills a long-distance relationship to advice on making it work.

You can also check out our Freshers Guide to understand what other students think about relationships while at uni.

68% of 1500 students surveyed believe long-distance relationships can work at uni, so here are tips to help keep your relationship happy

Long-distance relationships can be just as successful as couples who live nearer and see each other more often. Our recent Freshers survey of 1500 16-18-year-olds, shows that 68% are invested in making long-distance relationships work at uni. And they’re not alone either. According to surviveldr.com, around 75% of engaged couples have done long distance at some point.

If you both focus on building strong lines of communication, and trust and show regular commitment though honouring meet-ups and phone calls, there’s no reason why you can’t have a strong and happy long-distance relationship.

Following these rules will help you take your long-distance relationship all the way, even if you’re attending uni at opposite ends of the country.

1. Don’t let your relationship hold you back from trying new things

Ok, this might not be the first thing you want to hear, but uni is a time to meet new people and make new friends. While FaceTiming with your partner every evening or rushing home to visit them at the first opportunity might seem comforting to you, remember to allocate time to meet new people too.

During freshers’ this is your opportunity to make friends, which you may struggle to do if you miss out on socialising during the first few key weeks of uni. So, try your best to put yourself out there and introduce yourself to new people too.

If your partner is right for you, they’ll support you in trying to settle in and give you the space to meet new people too.

We’ve got more help on everything you need to know about freshers in our guide.

2. Have virtual dates

Luckily, the pandemic has taught us a few things. Virtual date ideas boomed during the first lockdown, and if you managed to make it through a lockdown without seeing your partner every day, you can handle uni too.

Make time for virtual dates, whether that’s streaming a movie together or having dinner over FaceTime, remember to make time for things that make your relationship work.

3. Agree on how often you’ll see each other

Sadly, it’s unrealistic to expect to see your partner weekly (and travel costs might keep you apart too). Agree with your partner when you’ll see them and how often, whether this is once a month or less frequently.

Planning meet-ups will not only give you something to look forward to, but you can plan a weekend or week together to do something you both enjoy that will be a fun use of your time together, rather than going home to see one another weekly.

Sticking to these dates is important if you want to show your partner that you’re committed and care about them, so try and prioritise them where you can.

4. Communicate

Long-distance relationships and university both come with challenges. Distance can complicate things, so it’s important to always communicate how you’re feeling with one another. If you’re feeling lonely or overwhelmed, make sure to tell them.

If you’re in a relationship and willing to make it work with the distance, you obviously care about one another a lot and rely on each other, so don’t go radio silent without good reason. If you’re out with your new uni friends, or busy with uni work, tell them! But remember to listen to how they’re feeling too.

5. Remember your reasons for doing it

If you’re finding it hard, remember the reasons why you got into this relationship in the first place. If you genuinely want to make it work, remember that the distance won’t be forever.

With Christmas, Easter and the summer holidays, you won’t be apart for longer than a few months at a time, not to mention that uni really does whizz by.

If you want to make your relationship work, you will, even with the distance. It can strengthen your relationship too, even if it is tough at times, by fostering strong communication skills and trust, so focus on these positives.

6. Learn to enjoy your own company

If you’re used to spending 24/7 with your boyfriend or girlfriend, the distance can be even more of a shock. However, being at uni is your first chance at independence and freedom — and that’s something you can really enjoy.

Learn to appreciate the alone time you get to have (without your parents watching over you) and allocate time for yourself and for self-care outside of your degree and uni work.

Most importantly, remember that your partner is only a phone call or text away if you need them. If things get tough, all you have to do is reach out and tell them. Being at uni should be a fun experience that you should enjoy, regardless of your relationship status.

What kills a long-distance relationship?

Just like any other relationship, there are many things that can kill a relationship — and most of the ones listed here can impact couples that live in the same house as well as those who live far apart. If you don’t have trust, physical intimacy and strong communication, then your relationship will definitely suffer.

Lack of physical intimacy

Let’s make it clear that we’re not just talking about sex here. Physical intimacy includes those warm cosy cuddles you have when you wake up in the morning or holding hands as you walk through town. Those little touches (and the more sexual ones) will help you build a strong emotional and physical bond which is essential for a healthy relationshionship.

Long-distance relationships make physical intimacy hard, but having sexy calls, remotely controlled sex toys or using long-distance relationship apps can make you feel so much closer.

Our editor, Evie, did long distance with her partner for over a year while at uni and found that certain apps really helped:

“We used an long-distance couples app which made us feel physically closer as it vibrates when you both touch the screen in the same place — it was like holding hands even though we were countries apart.”

Trust issues

Just like any relationship, if you can’t trust your partner, that can make for a rocky situation. This matters twofold when you’re doing long distance. You need to be able to trust that your partner is being faithful to you while you’re not together and vice versa.

The best way to promote trust is to communicate as well as consistently follow through on your words with actions. This can be as simple as replying to a “what you up to” text or telling your partner about your day. It means sticking to promises to call them unless you have a good reason why you can’t.

We’re not saying you should always be texting to say where you are and what you’re doing but you should want to share your experiences and anecdotes about your day with someone you’re close to. You shouldn’t be checking each other’s phones or equally ghosting your partner.

Uncertainty

Knowing when you’re next going to see each other allows you to get excited, make plans and feel closer to each other. So, if you feel like you’re drifting apart with the distance, make sure you have regular plans together. These don’t always have to be in person, but it helps if they are.

Evie, who did long distance while at uni for over a year, and is still with the same guy seven years later suggests always having plans in the diary before you go your separate ways.

“After our first stint apart, we promised to never go more than 6 weeks without seeing each other in person as that was our personal limit. We would always have a new date in the diary to see each other before the meet up was over too.”

Are long-distance relationships worth it?

Again, you could ask yourself is any relationship worth it? If you’re with the right person the answer will be a resounding “yes”. While it can be difficult to feel as connected if you are starting a long-distance relationship, if you want to put in the work then you will. In which case, the successful relationship will definitely be worth it.

Evie, who was in a long-distance relationship for over a year while on her year abroad at uni believes the right long-distance relationship is always worth it.

“Being in a long-distance relationship gives you clarity on how much the other person means to you. Because you can’t see them all the time and you’re meeting new people or experiencing new things, the right person will be on your mind in spite of all these new and exciting things.”

She also believes that it can help you build a stronger bond as you work through the extremes of common relationship issues such as trust and communication.

“Our year apart was tough but we worked hard on our relationship and learnt so much about how to communicate better as well as really trust each other. It meant that when we were back together, we were invincible as we’d done the hard part of being apart. We’re still together seven years later and getting married so it was definitely worth it.”

Our verdict is that long-distance relationships can be incredibly healthy and beneficial to couples, even strengthening them in some cases as it helps you build important communication skills. As long as both partners are committed and supportive of each other, you can most definitely make a long-distance relationship worth the effort.

Nervous about other parts of the big move to uni? Here’s how to deal with moving away from home for the first time.