two people on bike as silhouette in sunset
two people on bike as silhouette in sunset

How To Make A Long-Distance Relationship Work: Challenges, Expectations & Intimacy

Made a connection with someone but it’s got to be long distance? Fear not — here’s how to make it work.

If you’ve found someone you really like, who doesn’t give you the ick and you’re reluctant to let slip through your fingers, you probably want to give a long-distance relationship (LDR) a try.  

An LDR is like a dirty word, often being branded as impossible to work by those close to you. But with the right methods in place, your relationship can flourish. Yes, they’re tough, but many have tested the strength of their connection and come out stronger as a result. But if you’re having an LDR at uni or are curious about taking the plunge, then you’ll be pleased to know they can work.

Even if you only see someone a few times a month (or even a year), you may still have a happy, healthy connection with them. Having said that, maintaining a long-distance relationship requires effort, and you must take measures to ensure that you both feel connected.

Expect challenges when it comes to intimacy, expectations, barriers and the like. These can be tough to figure out at the beginning. With our tips, we can increase your chance of defying the odds. 

In this guide:

  1. What does LDR mean?
  2. How does a long distance relationship work?
  3. Are long distance relationships worth it?
  4. Advice to make a long distance relationship work
  5. Is it normal not to talk every day in a long distance relationship?
  6. Sweet things to do in a long distance relationship
  7. Unique Challenges for LDR couples
  8. Signs of cheating in long distance relationships

What does LDR mean?

person pulling face on phone surrounded by lit fairy lights

LDR is short-hand for “long distance relationship”. You’ll often hear people say LDR for short. They’re essentially romantic relationships where the people involved live far apart, meaning they can’t see each other as often. People within an LDR will often have to make extra effort at keeping a connection going, and they aren’t an easy type of relationship to pursue. Having said that, if the people involved are adamant about their feelings towards the other, then there is a strong chance in making it work, especially if communication is kept up. We’ll talk about how to do this effectively if you’re in an LDR or considering one. 

How does a long-distance relationship work?

An LDR works by utilising technology, such as social media, messaging platforms and the like, to maintain regular contact with the other person you’re in a relationship with. The added complexity of distance means those in an LDR cannot see each other as frequently, but by maintaining regular contact, dates, and a mixture of communicative styles, an LDR can truly thrive.

Are long-distance relationships worth it?

In short, yes. If you really like the other person and see something long term, then an LDR is absolutely worth pursuing. This can even go for people who have only known each other a short while, but feel a strong connection. Obviously, if it’s very fresh and there hasn’t been that potential for the relationship to grow just yet, then an LDR may not be suitable in those cases. 

Advice to make a long-distance relationship work 

1. Lay down your boundaries

Boundaries help establish and maintain trust in a relationship. Trust is the key to making an LDR work long-term, and by having ground rules, you can increase your chances of success.

How? Boundaries help make sure you both feel safe, are on the same page, and can communicate if there’s something you’re not happy with. It ensures respect in the relationship too. If boundaries are crossed repeatedly, it can tell you the other is not to be trusted. But on the flip side, if they’re respected, it’ll show just how healthy your relationship can be. 

2. Have things to look forward to

Technology has made it easier to connect more than ever before, and that’s why LDRs have an even stronger chance of making it through.

But if nightly calls are proving stale, why not plan specific things like a themed movie night, art class or play a game together? Or if you’re due to meet up soon, why not make that date extra special by looking at activities you can do together?

Having specific things planned that go beyond the “how was your day” conversation, can keep the spark alive and make your relationship that extra bit special.

3. Try sexting

We know it can be awkward, but if you’re yearning for each other, this is the next best thing. Plus, it’s one of the ways you guys can figure out each other’s love language (as well as explicit language).

Start slowly and get into a routine of doing it to keep that intimacy alive. At the end of the day, it could be a while between in-person visits (if at all), so find time to engage in activities like this on a regular basis.

4. Have regular virtual dates

Leading on from our previous point, it’s important to have regular dates. We know this can be tough if you’re both on tight schedules, but that’s why it’s even more pressing that you have some form of routine contact time.

Plus, seeing and hearing the other’s voice might just be what you need when you’re having it rough lately. It’s that reminder of their face and voice that can help you make it through.

5. Talk at day and nighttime

Waking up and going to bed can be when the pressures of an LDR hit the hardest, particularly as these times are when you’re likely to be lonely. Checking in with your partner, even with something as simple as “what have you got planned for your day?” or “what did you dream about last night?” can be a simple yet powerful way to connect. It provides emotional support and adds regularity to your communication — traits of an LDR you’ll need to make it work long-term.

6. Tell people about the relationship

By telling others about the relationship, you can have someone to confide with when the going gets tough, or simply someone to share your enthusiasm with. It can be normal for the friend or family you confide with to express concern, but at the end of the day, it’s your relationship and not theirs. As long as you’re happy, content and feel safe in the relationship then that’s all that truly matters.

7. Know each other’s schedules

Classes, work and personal leisure time need to be accounted for when planning time together virtually. Be sure to know when you guys have things on (you could try making a virtual calendar together!), so that you aren’t ringing them when they’re in the middle of lectures. This is particularly important if you live in different time zones too.

8. Take it in turns visiting one another

If you’re able to, visit each other’s place in turns. This keeps things fair and spices up each in-person meet-up too. Be sure to have a little itinerary planned for your date, like what you’re going to do, see, and eat. This again gives you both something to look forward to. 

9. Expect down days

There are going to be tough times, including moments when you doubt the relationship and need someone close to you. These moments are often a reflection of outside factors and a deeper need to see your partner. To get through these moments, you need to put the positives of the relationship at the forefront of your mind.

These can be the feelings you feel when you do speak or see them, the things you do together and the future plans you’ve made. 

Obviously, if feelings aren’t the same and you are struggling to make it work, then that’s a different conversation entirely. This is especially true if you have done everything you reasonably can to make the LDR work.

10. Consider a mutual open relationship

Open relationships are an increasingly normal relationship type in society. It can be especially handy for those in LDRs who have particular needs they want to meet with someone within easier reach. If you are going to date other people, then your relationship is only as deep and committed as your feelings for each other. Honesty is going to be the most important thing here, and you’ll need to communicate your boundaries often.

Is it normal not to talk every day in a long distance relationship?

person sat on floor in front of sofa on laptop

Yes and no. For some within the LDR, not talking every day can be anxiety-inducing. On the flip side, talking every day can be monotonous, especially if the conversations follow a similar pattern or answer. 

By not talking, there’s no room for intimacy to open up. It’s possible to switch up the conversation to go that way. But if you’re in that pattern of the same conversations then giving it a break for a day or two can be what your relationship needs. “Distance makes the heart grow fonder” — but only if this is communicated. Don’t just ignore your partner for a day. They’ll think something is wrong and this can cause a breakdown in communication.

Sweet things to do in a long distance relationship

So you’ve read our advice on how to make a long distance relationship work — but what about those small and sweet things you can do to show you care? Here are a few ideas.

1. Send a love letter

Texts are convenient and all, but nothing shouts personal like a love letter. It’s an inexpensive way to show you care, especially if you’re running low on cash but want to put your feelings out there. Plus, it’s very likely to surprise your partner, so get some pen, paper, and a letter handy!

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2. Send their favourite food straight to their door

Whether it’s a box of their favourite snacks or a delivery from their favourite local takeaway on a rough day — it’s a super simple way to show you care! If you want to save some cash, check out our food student discounts to see if you can save some pennies on a takeaway.

3. Send a coffee

Similar to the point above, if you’re able to get a coffee delivered to their door, absolutely do it! It’ll brighten their morning for sure.

If that’s not possible, why not send the amount of cash they’d spend on a coffee straight to their bank account? Pop the reference in as “coffee” and let them know. It’s a super simple yet sweet way to show you’re thinking about them in the morning too.

4. Give LDR tech a try

Heard of touch bracelets? They’re a special kind of bracelet that literally vibrate when you touch them. We’re fans of the TOTWOO bracelets on Amazon. They work by pairing them to the app, and shipping one of the bracelets to your significant other. They work no matter which town or city you’re in too.

5. Send funny videos

Have you caught yourself aimlessly scrolling through TikTok? Send your favourite videos to your LDR partner to let them know you’re thinking of them. It could be funny, a date or recipe you want to try — get creative!

Unique Challenges for LDR couples

It goes without saying that LDRs have a unique set of challenges compared to typical relationships where you can see each other regularly. Here are just a few of these struggles you might come across.

Experiencing financial strain related to travel 

Travelling between cities can be costly, particularly when you add them up over time. The same can be said for the activities you invest in when you’re together too. You’ll want to make the most of your time, and naturally, go for nicer meals, buy gifts, pay for experiences and the like.

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Having more extreme emotions related to the relationship

Not having regular contact (virtually or physically) can cause a strain on your mental health. Ultimately, we’re social creatures at our core, and when we aren’t getting our needs met (in the way we’d like to), it can resurface things or bring about new strain on the relationship. These feelings are completely normal but need to be communicated so you can work on a way to work past them.

High expectations and pressure around each meeting

You want to make every second count, right? This can have a detrimental effect if you place too much pressure on your meet-up. If you’re insistent on doing all sorts of things together, rather than just being together, then this can put a strain on your quality time. 

Try to have a mix of activities as well as downtime to be intimate or simply talk with your partner in person.

Lack of regular intimacy

We all have needs, which are far more difficult to meet when we’re in a long distance relationship. That’s why some people do their best to visit each other as often as they can, invest in LDR-friendly sex toys, or explore the option of opening up the relationship.

Unrealistic views of a long distance relationship

We can make anything work that we put our mind to, right? But sometimes there are constraints that are making the LDR far too difficult. Perhaps they (or you) aren’t communicating, or you think things will work out in the end, yet you’re arguing frequently. In these cases, you really need to weigh up the relationship against your wants and needs.

Potential time differences

Whether you’re one or 10 hours apart, being in different time zones can cause a strain if you don’t time your communication properly. Plus, if the time zones are extreme, there’s the possibility of sleep deprivation.

Logistically, it can be quite tough mapping out time to talk. Plus, if one of you is unexpectedly busy during your time together, then this pushes back your quality time. How long can you let that go on for if you’re consistently disconnected?

Signs of cheating in long distance relationships

person staring out of window through open blinds

Speaking of disconnection, unfortunately, cheating is no stranger to long distance relationships. Obviously, because you’re separated from your partner in a long distance relationship, it’s hard to tell when they’re being truthful, or if their delay in response was actually because their phone died. Do you have a nagging feeling it’s something else? 

Here are signs to look out for that point to a partner who is cheating in an LDR.

They’re always busy

Especially if you’re the one arranging a time to have a chat. If they’re always seemingly “busy”, then this could be a sign. Obviously, if they’ve let you know why, or told you in advance that there’s a project coming up that they need more time on, then that’s different. It also shows extra reassurance if they’ve made additional plans with you when things die down.

But if none of that is the case, then it’s absolutely valid if you’re thinking about their intentions.

They go radio silent

Going quiet on you all of the sudden is a red flag. 

Although you won’t constantly be together because of the long distance relationship, your partner may be up to something if they start to avoid simple, routine conversations with you. If you used to check in with each other throughout the day at regular intervals but then suddenly stopped, you need to flag it up.

Your concerns may be further validated if you’ve noticed new people popping up on their social feeds. Especially if they’re ones you don’t recognise. Obviously, you both have your own lives and are more than entitled to make new friendships, but if things seem sus, it’s absolutely worth bringing up.

They get defensive

If you do bring up your concerns and they’re anything but reassuring — this is a good (yet upsetting) indicator that they may be up to no good. A partner that has nothing to hide will instead reassure you nothing is wrong and answer all your questions. They should also work with you to see how they can make the relationship more comfortable during times of heightened anxiety.

There are never any plans

If you’ve clocked you always make the plans, or see no effort from their side to make any, it could indicate a lack of interest in seeing you. It might not necessarily mean they’re cheating, but it absolutely does warrant a conversation. Any relationship, long distance or otherwise, can’t thrive if plans are one-sided.


We hope these have eased any worries surrounding long distance relationships, as well as provided practical tips on making it work and challenging differences head on. Want more sex, dating and relationship advice? Sign up for Student Beans and follow our Instagram page.