What To Do If You’re Losing Friends & How To Reconnect

18 Feb 2022, by Evie Howarth, min. read

The feelings you have after losing friends are temporary. Here’s how to get back on your feet and reconnect.

Gaining and losing friends is part of the circle of life. Naturally, it’s normal to lose touch with friends too. Both scenarios can be painful, especially when it’s all happening at the same time.

In fact, losing friends or losing touch with old friends can make us feel incredibly lonely and harbour a lot of negative feelings. If you’ve realised you may have been in the wrong about a few things and want to make amends, then we certainly have ways to help.

Whether you’re introverted and want to make friends, stubborn, or simply unaware of how to navigate reconnecting with friends you’ve lost, we’ve got you covered. Read on to find out if you’re really losing friends, why it could be a good thing, when and how to reconnect with lost friends.

Are you losing friends?

Sometimes we’ve oblivious to our own behaviours and how they affect our relationships with others. Here are some clear-cut signs you may be losing friendships.

You’re just too busy
You haven’t taken the time to nurture your friendships
They don’t invite you to as many things anymore
You’ve been too clingy
You didn’t support your friends in their time of need
You’ve been quite negative lately
You’re flaky and it hasn’t gone unnoticed

Losing friends can be a good thing

Losing friends can be a good thing because it allows us to learn lessons about friendships and apply them to new ones. It could also help us come clean and apologise to existing connections in order to rekindle those friendships you’ve seemingly lost.

Here are a few reasons why losing friends may be beneficial to you. You may not need to rekindle as many friendships, if at all, if you take these perspectives into consideration.

Fewer friends equal more quality relationships
You’ll let yourself go from the past
You’ll feel less toxic
You’ll gain new friends that align with you
You’ll see which friends are actually there for you
You’ll identify the kinds of friendships you actually want.

What to do if you’ve lost friends

It’s never easy to deal with and can leave you feeling all sorts of awful emotions. But the emotions are fleeting and temporary. Here’s a snapshot of what to do if you’ve lost friends.

Acknowledge and name your feelings
Write it out (or voice record them if writing isn’t your thing)
Reach out to existing friends and loved ones for support
Accept that you’ll be okay in time
Be grateful for the good you have in life already
Practice mantras and affirmations for loneliness.

Why have you lost touch with friends?

It takes two to tango (or not). If you’ve made the effort and they haven’t, or vice versa, then how can a healthy friendship be formed?

Yes, there are those lovely and rare friendships where you can go years without speaking and act like it was only yesterday. But if you’ feel like losing touch with friends has caused some shaky feelings, then it’s important to understand why.

Our personalities evolve as we grow. Perhaps you don’t align like you used to
Remisciscing on the old times is all you guys seem to do
You’ve subconsciously kept them at arm’s length (or the other way around)
They haven’t put the effort in
You haven’t put the effort in

When to try and reconnect

If you want to recconnect with an old friend in efforts to mend your friendship, or simply rekindle with a pal you’ve not spoken to, here’s a few ways to go about it.

If it’s been a while

How long has it been? Weeks? Months? Dare we say itâ€¦years?

Acknowledge how long it’s been when you reach out and try not to overspill. They definitely won’t be prepared for your lifestory after reaching out for a long time. Instead, ask if they’d like to go for a coffee to catch up or offer to have one another over if you’re close by.

By recall a good or funny memory

This always breaks the ice and injects some positive energy into the conversation. This could be in the form of a meme you both shared or a photo of a place that reminds you of them.

If they could use the help

Heard from a friend of a friend that they’re going through a rough time? Reach out and say you’re willing to listen if thye need it. This may only be useful with someone you’ve lost touch with, rather than a friendship that ended badly.

How to get back in touch with old friends

Getting back in touch with old friends can feel daunting. But it’s not impossible. In fact, they may even be thinking about reaching out too!

Be the bigger person by making the first move. Here’s how to get back in touch and how to keep in touch with friends.

Give them a call

Only if you know they’d appreciate it. Some people don’t like calls!

But there’s value in a call because it feels so much more personal than a text. You can convey tone and have a conversation without any delays.

Tell them when you’re free and ask for their availability

By giving them an outline of when you’re free, you put the ball in their court. Be specific and say the date and time, rather than â€˜next week’ as it’s too vague. This way they’ll see you’re a bit more serious about the plans too.

Stick to your plans

Yes, actually stick to the plans you make and try not to bail (unless it’s an emergency). We get you may be feeling anxious but ultimately, you want to rekindle this friendship for a reason. Put the bigger picture at the forefron of your mind whenever you feel the temptation to duck and dive.

Forgive if they cancel

There’s obviously a chance they might cancel. Forgive them and offer to rearrange. If this is reciprocated them fab! If not, then you know this may not be a friendship worth salvaging.

Own up to any wrongdoings

When you guys actually meet and get into a flow of conversation, use it as an opportunity to own up to anything in the past. It could be a tiff, the lack of contact, whatever it is. It will show you’re serious about making your friendship with them a priority.

Just don’t beat yourself up though. Acknowledge it was something you did wrong and want to improve. Don’t dwell on it.

Actually put time into this friendship

If things went well and you can see they’re glad to have met up again, take the time to nurture your friendship in the long run. Meeting up once after a long time won’t rekindle things (unless you have that type of friendship). And obviously, it’s a two-way street, so they need to make the effort too.

However, if your attempt to rekindle fell flat or they just weren’t feeling it then that’s okay too. Some friendships aren’t meant to last. Reach out to other old friends or focus on forming new ones.