Everything You Should Think About Before Getting Into An Open Relationship
Everything You Should Think About Before Getting Into An Open Relationship

Everything You Should Think About Before Getting Into An Open Relationship

If you’re thinking about getting into an open relationship, here’s what you need to consider first.

While monogamy is something that many people enjoy, for others the idea of being tied down to one person is less appealing. Our research has found that 27% of male students and 13% of female students would be interested in trying an open relationship. However, with boys being twice as likely to want an open relationship, many may find themselves in a situation where their partner wants to open the relationship, but they might not want to themselves.

If you find that your partner has suggested an open relationship, or it’s something you’ve been thinking about, you’ll need to consider all the facts first––while opening a relationship can be mutually beneficial for many, others may find that their relationship never recovers and if you’re considering it purely because your partner wants to you could find your feelings are getting hurt.

1 in 10 students would consider opening their relationship if their partner wanted to, even if they weren’t super into the idea themselves, so if you find that you’re in that situation or that you would be interested in exploring polygamy, here’s what you need to think about first.

What are your boundaries?

This is the most important thing when it comes to an open relationship, and something you and your partner will need to think about and discuss first. First of all, are you happy for your partner to have sex with other people or is it strictly dating only?

Also, do the same rules apply to both of you? If you’d be unhappy allowing your partner to have sex with other people, but would like to yourself, you’ll have to consider if this is a fair arrangement for both parties. When it comes to sex you’ll also need to discuss contraception and what types of sex are ok to explore with others, if there are certain things you’d rather keep between the two of you, you need to make this clear early on.

It’s not just about sex either, if your partner is dating other people would you be cool with knowing about these other partners and dates or even meeting them? Or would you rather not know about it and keep it separate from your relationship? These are all things you’ll need to consider, on both sides in order to have a successful open relationship.

On top of all of this, you need to decide what you’re comfortable with your partner doing and both you and your partner will have to agree to keep these boundaries. This way you know what you’re getting into and what to expect from an open relationship. Successful open relationships require maturity and honesty, and if you find yourself getting jealous or wanting out of the situation, you need to be able to communicate this with your partner.

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What are you comfortable with other people knowing?

With monogamy being more common, those who have never been in or considered being in an open relationship might not understand your decision. If you’re going to be dating multiple people, you need to decide how much you’re comfortable sharing with the other people in your life such as your friends and family.

While it’s no one’s business what happens in your personal life, open relationships can lead to awkward situations, for example, a friend seeing you on a date with someone who isn’t your partner and thinking that you’re cheating, or bringing someone who isn’t your usual partner to a family dinner or event.

You’ll need to consider if exploring an open relationship is something you’re comfortable sharing with those around you and if you’re prepared for any inevitable questions that you may face and how to answer those questions.

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How much time will you spend with your partners?

If you’re opening up your relationship, you may intend for your initial partner to serve as your primary partner while you spend time dating other people. However, your other potential partners will probably want to spend equal amounts of time with you too. You’ll need to establish how much time you’re willing to put into your different relationships and dating other people, as well as leaving time for yourself and your own personal hobbies.

If you and your partner are both exploring other people, you’ll also need to discuss what things will remain just for the two of you to do together. For example, if your partner gets invited to a wedding is it ok for them to invite someone else as their plus one, or is it a no go to ask anyone other than you to family events?

When entering an open relationship, the other people you’re dating will have feelings and emotions too so you’ll need to work out how much time you’re comfortable spending with them from the get-go, so everyone knows what to expect from you and no one’s getting hurt.

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What’s an absolute no go?

Opening up a relationship may mean that you’re free to explore other people, but there may be some people that are strictly off-limits. For example, you may not want your current partner dating an ex or a close friend of yours or vice versa. If you don’t have this discussion early on, it can lead to some difficult decisions or even the end of your original relationship, so make sure you both know who is and isn’t ok to date and what would be crossing a boundary with you.

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What do you want out of an open relationship?

Maybe one of the most important questions you need to ask yourself, is what do you want out of an open relationship? Is this something you’re trying because your partner wants to, or is it something you genuinely want to try for yourself? Is this a permanent situation, or something you’re exploring for a few months to try and improve problems in your current relationship?

If you’re agreeing to try an open relationship for your partner’s benefit, you need to make sure you’ve considered all of the above and are ready for the possible situations that may arise, and if you’re ok and comfortable with that. Perhaps you don’t want to date multiple people but your partner does, you need to make sure you’re ok with the possibility of them forming an emotional or sexual connection with other partners as well as you.

If this is something you want to do for yourself, you’ll have to work out whether you want to continue an existing relationship with your main partner while having other sexual and romantic partners, or if you just want to keep it casual with other partners while keeping sex exclusively for your original partner.

Ultimately it’s down to you to decide what you want when it comes to an open relationship and what you’re ok with. If your partner is pressuring you into the idea of an open relationship and you’re not sure, think over all of these points and what it would mean for you and your feelings. If you’ve been thinking about it for a while and you’re ready to try an open relationship, remember to set your boundaries early on and discuss safety around sex before you enter into multiple sexual relationships.

Remember honesty is the most important thing in an open relationship, so, if you’ve read all of this and feel ready to try one, go for it, just remember to continue communicating with one another to ensure the success of your existing and future relationships.