You've got yourself a nice, healthy child and it's only natural you want to show him off to the world. You want him to get all of the attention and really make an impression. One day an invitation for a fancy dress party comes through and you think to yourself, this is it! It's little Benji's time to shine.

You put hours into the costume, working on every little detail, making sure everything fits and is on theme. You wake him up from his afternoon nap, pop it all on and it's gone perfectly. It's a shame then that you've taken so much time toward making him look like Hannibal Lecter. Come to think of it, aside from looking like a reknowned cannibal and serial killer he's not going to have much fun in that straight jacket.

In case you were wondering, here's a list of stuff you should never, ever dress your child as:

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1. Hannibal Lecter

2. A condom

3. A terrorist

4. A pack of cigarettes

5. A busty mermaid?

6. A Hooters girl

7. Erm...The guy out of Total Recall?

8. Hitler

9. Abraham Lincoln

10. This is kind of awesome actually...

11. A sort of Alien/Chicken hybrid

12. A headless man

13. A lobster being boiled to death

14. These two

15. Wilson! Actually, always dress your child up as Wilson, but don't lose him out at sea.

16. A pole dancer

17. Madonna

18. The bride from Kill Bill. Plus side: It's an awesome costume to put your daughter in. Downside: Probable fight to the death on the bouncy castle.

19. Edward Scissorhands. Children should never run with scissorhands.

20. A cooked turkey

21. A homeless man collecting rubbish

22. A creeper from Minecraft. Best. Costume. Ever. Apart from the possibility of suffocation and impaired vision. Apart from that.

23. A marijuana leaf

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• Take me to freshersfields.com for discounts and free stuff