Interview with a female student 'Player'
As part of Student Sex Survey 2012, we talk to Liz, 20. She gives an insight into her 'player' (or 'having lots of sex') activities.
Student sex. It's happening (to varying degrees, as the University Sex League 2012 shows), and guess what? Girls are playing their role - some more than others.
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As Liz sits across from me, I don’t see anything out of the ordinary, she just looks like a normal, pretty student. If I saw her walk down the street, I wouldn’t look at her and say “Oh! She looks like a player!” but when I start speaking to her, it’s a completely different story.
So, how many sexual partners have you had?
I’m not 100% sure, but its somewhere around 25 or more, but this has been spread out over the past 5 years.
Why do you do it?
Because it is fun! And I don’t really see a problem with it when I’m young.
Do you find it empowering?
To an extent yes, it’s nice knowing that I have control over what I’m doing, and the guys that I am seeing. It also makes me happy knowing that someone fancies me enough to want to have sex with me and spend time with me.
Does it make you feel more like a woman?
I guess so, it kinda makes me feel (pauses to think of the word) effeminate. Girly and flattered and liked, who would complain?
How many guys have you had on the go at once?
(laughs) I think it’s been 3 or 4, it’s not like I have a new person every night. I’m just playing around with a few men at the same time.
How do you juggle all these men? How do you stop them finding out about each other? I try and keep things as simple as possible, I make sure I’m not seeing them exclusively, they can think what they want, but I know the deal, so they have no right to say what I can or can’t do. To me they are just friends with benefits. At the end of the day, if they don’t ask, I won’t tell and if they do ask, I’d just probably lie.
How do you meet these different people?
One rule I do have is that I don’t pull in clubs, it’s happened on occasion, but it isn’t something I tend to do. I usually know the people that I end up seeing, most of the time they are friends of friends, people that I pre-drink with before going out, parties and stuff like that. It also makes me feel a little safer because obviously my friends trust their friends, so it’s all good.
How do you keep yourself safe?
I’ve been on the patch since I was 14, and I always use condoms without fail, if I ever get a little worried, I will always go straight to the hospital and get myself checked out, I usually find someone to go with so it’s not as scary.
Have you ever caught an STI or been scared that you had one?
I don’t 100% trust contraception, but I’ve never really been scared that I’ve caught an STI. I get checked out regularly, and sometimes clubs here offer things like Chlamydia tests, and my uni always offers them. But if in doubt, I will always go to the hospital for a full screening.
How do your friends and people at uni view your “player” behaviour?
I think that a lot of people that I don’t know well judge me quite a bit. But I can laugh it off with most people. I don’t go around telling everyone about it, and I don’t bring a new guy home every night, so I sort of get away with it. Most of my close friends just accept it anyways.
Do you worry about people seeing you in a negative light because of it?
Yes, of course I do, but if people don’t like what I do and they tell me, I will defend my corner because I’m not going to change yet, I will when I want to.
Do you think you will ever settle down and stop being a “player”?
Yeah, I will at some point. I’ve had a few boyfriends, but at the end of the day “you can’t keep a player down”.
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