The A-Z of Procrastination
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a student during a long holiday will become an expert at procrastination.
It’s summer. Apparently. Finally you have the time to sort your life out – to research potential post-grad courses, get ahead on next year’s reading, apply for internships, save up for travelling after uni, catch up with old friends and sort out all those many, many miscellaneous boxes taking over your bedroom.
Or, you could do what you did last year (and the year before) - make a list reminding yourself to do all those things, spend the next two months lazing around and finally get around to ticking something off at the end of September having thought “I really should be doing something productive” every half hour for the last three months.
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Don't fight it. We all know you'll do exactly what students do best – procrastinate your way through the summer holidays. Here’s our A-Z of procrastination, do any of these methods sound familiar to you?
A ttempt to bake a cake as outrageous and flamboyant as this one:
B uy a Lottery ticket. Watch the Lottery that evening. Lose. Do the same the next day…and the next…and the next.
C omplete a Sudoku puzzle. Extra procrastination points go to those who manage to complete a Samurai – those take strength, endurance and a disgusting amount of spare time.
D raw Something – the App that makes us all think we’re Picasso. And for those of you without an iPhone, the next best thing - drawsomethinggameonline.com.
E xamine your split ends, blackheads and the dirt behind your nails. None of it’s pretty or interesting, but it can keep you occupied for at least 15 minutes.
F acebook stalk – a procrastination method that may soon be pretty dangerous. Get in as much guilt-free stalking as possible before it’s too late!
G ym it. Can’t be bothered to actually do something but want to get out the house? Head to the gym for an hour and feel like your day has had some purpose.
H ave a Chandler-in-Friends style bath. Candles, grapes, classical music, bubbles and a bath bomb are of utmost importance.
I nstagram every photo you’ve ever taken – “but this photo of my year 9 Latin class will look so much more authentic with a sepia effect!”
J uggle, or at least learn to, with scrunched up pieces of paper. A new talent, oh yeah!
K eep your computer ultra-organised by sorting through all your documents, photos and music and arranging them into files, albums and playlists.
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M ake lists. Illustrate the lists. Take pictures of the lists on your phone in case you lose them. Email pictures of the lists to your family members so they can see how productive you’re being. Upload pictures of the lists to Facebook. Listy listy list.
N ail painting. An Olympic theme could work nicely, no?
O rigami. Someone once told me that it is impossible to fold a piece of paper more than six times – I must prove them wrong!
P ost statuses until your entire newsfeed is comprised of only you.
Q ueue. The ultimate time-waster.
R ead an entire magazine from front to back, including all the adverts, captions and editor’s notes. Then when you’ve finished, start from the beginning again.
S porcle. “Mentally stimulating diversions” is just a posh way of saying “time-wasting fun shit”…but make sure you try the 3 Letter Body Parts quiz, it’s a blast.
T emple Run. Those screeching monkeys at the beginning always freak me out.
“U nlike” all the Facebook pages you “liked” three years ago.
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W atch Jeremy Kyle, Loose Women or Judge Judy. TV programme that are ONLY viewed by the unemployed, retired and student population.
X Factor re-runs. They’re always on and you’re bound to watch one at some point.
Y ouTube. Need I say more?
Z ebec, zalophus, zarf: ensure you always win at Scrabble by taking it upon yourself to learn difficult, pointless words like these.
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