Is money tight this summer? Well, you can always holiday in the in the Isles of Great Britain – we’ve all seen national treasures Stephen Fry and Julie Walters telling us the wonders of it, although I’m not sure money restrictions play a factor there.
'What’s the point in going on holiday in Britain?' I hear you cry, 'it rains all the time and more importantly, I already live here'. This is true, but if we rephrased the proposition to - how about going on a Naughty Name Extravaganza Tour of our Beloved Isles? i.e. go to places based on how rude or offensive their name is - things start to sound more exciting...
Rude place names cheer up a boring British holiday
You may have seen the actors of Inbetweeners fame, travelling round London finding rude place names in the name of Comic Relief. That was fine, but we're taking this countrywide - you can't really appreciate how rude somewhere is - or get the level of repetitive punning to hilarious 'cabin fever' levels unless you spend more than 24 hours there.
So here we go, here’s the top 10 rude place names you should visit soon:
1. Twatt – Let’s start with a real winner. Nothing gets quite to the point quite like Twatt. Make sure you bring a coat however as the two Twatts are on the Orkney and Shetland Isles.
2. Brown Willy – In the picturesque county of Cornwall, at the highest point of Bodmin Moor, you can find a Brown Willy. Comes from the Cornish Bronn Wennili, meaning ‘hill of swallows,’ so a double whammy there.
3. Cocks – Whilst you’re in Cornwall, why not keep up your phallic destinations and visit Cocks. It’s situated in the hamlet of Perranzabuloe, so as an extra bit of fun drink 10 pints of Rattler and try and pronounce it.
4. Wetwang – Bit more subtle than previous places, but never fails to make me laugh as a result. You can leave the South West now and head to East Yorkshire for this one.
5. Sandy Balls – Not on the coast as the name might suggest, but actually situated in the realms of the New Forest. However it is actively advertised as a holiday resort so there’s bound to be sand pits to recreate the name in.
6. Scratchy Bottom – Located in the cliff-top valleys of Dorset, this is a little cheeky one (oh aren’t I funny) that isn’t quite as aggressively named as previous places, but great none-the-less.
7. Happy Bottom – They’ve got a thing about their derrieres in Dorset, as Happy Bottom resides in the county as well. Cheery AND cheeky this time (I am on fire), Dorset needs to be careful it doesn't become the butt of too many jokes (too much, I’m sorry).
8. Shitterton – Still in Dorset, in fact you may as well never leave the place if you want rude names. Have moved away from the gluteus maximus for the time being, well sort of. For a small county they have many rude names.
9. Shingay cum Wendy – I don’t know what’s going on with this one, it’s like someone delved their hand into a scrabble bag and produced this. Having said that gay, cum, Wendy and shins, what more can you ask for? Found in Cambridgeshire.
10. Titty Ho – Simple, but effective. Situated in Northamptonshire, there is a certain charm about Titty Ho. You hope for traditional values, village greens and of course, plenty of shops with Titty in the title. Brilliant.
Well there you have it, 10 places to put on the ‘visit next’ list. I’m sure you could spend a few days at each on a student’s budget for a splendid British 'tour of filth'. If you do manage to get together enough money to go abroad however, you could do a lot worse than travelling to Canada – to the coastal town of Dildo.
UPDATE Iain MacDonald mentioned on Facebook that he 'cant believe Cockermouth isnt on there!'. As soon as we saw his comment we couldn't believe it either, how could we have missed this beauty? So a little bonus for you, thank you Iain!
11. Cockermouth – The ancient market town of Cockermouth in Cumbria at the North West fringe of The Lake District is, according to Wikipedia, prone to flooding....smirk giggle
Make sure there's plenty of Cocks and Happy Bottoms on your holidays. Enjoy.
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